


if i were you, i wouldn't love me either

by a_gay_poster



Category: Naruto
Genre: Lee needs therapy, M/M, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 17:39:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18103271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_gay_poster/pseuds/a_gay_poster
Summary: Prompt: "i don't blame you, i wouldn't love me either"People say love cures all wounds, but sometimes you need professional help.





	if i were you, i wouldn't love me either

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ContrEeri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ContrEeri/gifts), [kelamorphe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelamorphe/gifts).



> This was a prompt fill on Tumblr for Contreeri and kelamorphe (y'all both sent me the same prompt)!
> 
> Minor warning for morbid ideations and discussion of death/dying.

“I hate this,” Gaara muttered. 

Lee was suspended beside him on a platform of sand, his skin the florid red of burst capillaries, bleeding profusely from a hastily-bandaged wound in his thigh. Flickers of white light still climbed across his limbs, the remnants of an opened gate. Behind them, a dead man subsumed into the desert. 

“I don’t blame you,” Lee groaned. “I wouldn’t love me either.”

Gaara’s eyes dissected him with a sharp look. 

“First,” he said, skidding down the side of a mesa, “that isn’t what I said.” Without pausing, he leapt up onto the platform and forced more cool green healing chakra into Lee’s leg - clumsily, but it was the best he could do. “Second, I’m not having this conversation when you’re delirious with blood loss.”

“That’s fair,” Lee said, and promptly passed out. 

Gaara hissed a curse and urged his sand on faster, jumping back down to the desert floor to lighten the load and conserve his chakra. He sent the sand up to cut away Lee’s leg weights and drop them down a gorge, his orange leg warmers fluttering behind them. The sand sped up, and Gaara uttered a quick prayer of thanks, promising to come back for the damned things later. 

The high walls of Suna crested the horizon ahead of them, and Gaara skidded to a stop, forcing all his energy into sending the sand and its cargo over the entrance gate and straight towards the hospital.

* * *

Lee woke up in a pale blue room, a needle in his arm and an IV bag hanging over his head. His whole body burned, the pain of it bracing and familiar. To his right was a chair, stacked high with paperwork. Gaara’s reading glasses sat on the side table, reflecting pale light onto the wooden surface. 

“Ah, Lee-san, you’re awake!” came a cheery voice from the door. 

Lee turned his head painfully to see a medi-nin in white, his head and lower face covered with a veil. Although Lee couldn’t recall his name just at the moment, his eyes looked kind.

“I think the Kazekage just left for a moment to go to the restroom. He asked me to check in on you, but he should be back any mo-”

The door to Lee’s hospital room blew open with a clatter. Behind the medi-nin’s shoulder stood Gaara, a fist full of crumpled paper clenched in his hand.

“I detected a flare in his chakra signature and came here as soon as I- “ Gaara stopped abruptly, making eye contact with Lee. 

Lee wiggled his fingers weakly in greeting.

“You’re awake,” Gaara said, hurrying to his bed. “I was worried.”

“I’m okay,” Lee protested. 

“If I may, Kazekage-sama, I just need to take a few moments and complete a wellness check,” the medi-nin interjected. 

“Of course,” Gaara replied, reclaiming his seat at Lee’s bedside. He set his reading glasses back on his nose and ruffled the papers in front of his face, but Lee noticed his eyes didn’t stray down to the paper even once as the medi-nin completed his examination. 

“Other than the dehydration, you seem to be doing fine,” the medi-nin concluded, snapping off his gloves. “I’ll write you an order for some more analgesic for the pain, but other than that the main thing you need to do is rest. Those gates are hard on your system and you need time for your body to let your chakra pathways heal. I’ll write you a note for a week off duty-”

“But- !” Lee protested. 

“Make it two,” Gaara said firmly. 

“- two weeks off duty. You should be ready for discharge today or tomorrow, depending on your electrolyte levels.” The medi-nin’s eyes crinkled at the corners, scanning the two of them. “I’ll give you two a moment while I go get those painkillers,” he said, and left the room, shutting the door behind him with a hush. 

A stillness descended on the room. Gaara reached for Lee’s hand and took it. Lee hissed in pain, his skin still acutely sensitive from the opening of the gates, and Gaara pulled his hand back immediately. 

“Do you remember what you said to me?” Gaara asked. His eyes were placid like an ocean before a storm. “When we were crossing the Western plains?”

“No,” Lee admitted. “I was pretty out of it by then.”

“You said, ‘I wouldn’t love me either.’”

Lee blanched.

“Do you really think that?” Gaara pressed. “That I don’t love you?” He raised his hand again like he was going to reach for Lee, and just as quickly retracted it. 

“I know that you love me,” Lee said. He tried to turn to face Gaara but winced at the feeling of his skin brushing the sheets. He laid back, perfectly still, ensuring the absolute minimum of his body was making contact with the coarse fabric. “It’s just that, sometimes, I feel like you don’t trust me,” he said to the ceiling.

“You’re right,” Gaara said. “I don’t trust you.”

Lee clenched his jaw, the well-worn path of the same familiar argument unspooling in front of him. 

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t trust you to keep yourself safe,” Gaara replied. “This happens over and over again. You tell me - you _promise_ me - that you won’t overdo it, but then the mission objective is compromised, or a comrade is in danger, and you rip those gates open as if it were nothing. It’s like you don’t even think about it. It’s almost like you like the pain.” His voice grew louder and louder in the quiet of the room, his knuckles white to match the papers in his hand. 

“I don’t _like_ being in pain!” Lee protested. “This isn’t fun for me either!”

“Then why do you keep doing it?”

“Because it’s the only way that I’m valuable!”

The papers fell to the floor from Gaara’s hand with a sound like the rushing of birds’ wings. 

“I hope you know that’s not true.”

“I know … or, I think I know. But sometimes it _feels_ true.” Lee took a deep breath; his ribs ached. “To be a splendid ninja who only uses taijutsu, that’s my ninja way. How can that be true unless I prove it?”

“Lee, you _are_ a splendid ninja.” Gaara’s words came labored, as if drawn from some deep underground source. “But that’s not why your life has worth. You’re kind, and funny, and you care about other people so much. If you stopped being a shinobi tomorrow, I would _still_ love you. The other important people in your life - your teacher, your teammates, your students - they would, too. But you keep throwing yourself into danger. ”

Lee clenched his eyes closed. Tears rolled down his cheeks and the salt of them burned. 

“I know,” he said. “I only ever go up to the seventh gate, though. It’s not so dangerous.”

“Even the lower gates aren’t without their risks!” Gaara banged his fist against the arm of his chair, his sand rattling in its gourd. “Chakra exhaustion, injuries like the one on your leg - all of those things can be fatal. If something happened to you, if you _died_ , what would the rest of us do with ourselves?”

“You’d move on, in time,” Lee said. “And I’d be a hero who gave his life in the name of peace.”

Gaara made a low, pained sound, like the cry of a wounded animal.

“Is that what you think about Neji?”

Lee grit his teeth. “That isn’t fair. Neji’s death was a tragedy.”

“And your death would be different? Noble, somehow?”

“No, but- “

“Lee,” Gaara cut him off. “I -” his voice cracked. “I can’t do this with you anymore.”

“I understand,” Lee said, his eyes still closed. It was too painful to look at Gaara in that moment. “I’ll pack my things tomorrow.”

“No!” Gaara yelled. In the room next door, there was the clatter of a tray of implements dropping to the floor. A muffled curse was heard through the wall. “How could you think- “ There was the rustle of fabric as he shook his head. “Actually, this is exactly what I’m talking about. You seeing yourself as disposable. You need to talk to somebody about this.”

“I talk to people all the time - you, Gai-sensei…”

“We’ve had this conversation so many times. Lee, it’s been _ten years_ and something still isn’t sticking. You need to go talk to a professional. There’s the new clinic in the village center, I can get you an appointment. You could go in next week, since you’ll be off duty.”

“I don’t know…” Lee trailed off. He opened his eyes and stared at the white expanse of ceiling tiles. There was the squeak of Gaara’s chair being pushed back, and then his face swam into view above Lee.

“Please,” he said. His eyes were wet, red-rimmed. His lower lip wobbled.

“I can … try,” Lee said.

“That’s all I ask.”

“But I need you to try, too. Try to trust me. That I’m doing the best I can.”

Gaara nodded. A tear slipped down his nose and landed on Lee’s bedsheet.

“I can try.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in having a prompt fill written for you, [you can prompt me here!](https://ghoste-catte.tumblr.com/tagged/prompt-meme)


End file.
